Tag: Championship

To Show Dedication to New Team, Zion Turns into Real Pelican

by Alex Poletti

After the first pick was announced at Barclays Center in New York, what many fans suspected and analysts guaranteed became a reality: Zion Williamson became a New Orleans Pelican. To quell any doubt that the Duke superstar was unimpressed with the organization that held the first pick, Zion went above and beyond by turning into a real pelican, showing his dedication to his new organization.

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Anthony Davis Trade Reportedly Involves Three First-Round Picks, Two First-Born Children

by Alex Poletti

News broke on Saturday of a blockbuster trade sending Anthony Davis out west to become LeBron James’ right-hand man in Los Angeles. Now, the details have been released, showing that the return for Davis was steep; in total, the Pelicans will receive Lonzo Ball, Brandon Ingram, Josh Hart, three first-round draft picks, and two first-born children.

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Steph Curry, Draymond Green Injure Themselves in Solidarity with Fallen Teammates

by Alex Poletti

At the end of the six-game series against the Toronto Raptors, it seemed that Steph Curry and Draymond Green were the only Golden State players left standing. After the remainder of their All-Stars got injured, the Warriors just couldn’t hang with Kawhi Leonard and the Raptors. To show solidarity with their teammates, both Curry and Green have elected to injure themselves.

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Kevin Durant Encouraged to Take Up Knitting After Achilles Tear

by Alex Poletti

After a heartbreaking injury in game five of the NBA Finals, Golden State Warriors forward Kevin Durant looks likely to be in recovery for a considerable amount of time, leading Director of Sports Medicine and Performance Rick Celebrini to suggest knitting as an alternative to basketball.

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Toronto Fans Blasted for Cheering After Eight-Year-Old Warriors Fan Falls, Skins Knee

by Luke DePalatis

After the Golden State Warriors managed to pull together a miracle win in the NBA finals last night, all was looking up for 8-year-old Timmy Miller, a local Oakland resident and Warriors fan. Though an emotionally taxing game, due to Kevin Durant’s injury, Timmy was in his front yard, shooting hoops with his father, Todd.

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Breaking: Raptors Hired Tonya Harding to Give Warriors Nancy Kerrigan Treatment

by Alex Poletti

In a shocking discovery by two San Francisco private investigators, a conspiracy has been revealed in which the Toronto Raptors hired Tonya Harding as a consultant to injure several members of the Golden State Warriors team, including Kevin Durant, Klay Thompson and DeMarcus Cousins.

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