Tag: Championship

Football

Officer Slapped on Butt by Odell Beckham Jr Won’t Pursue Charges, Will Pursue Second Date
by Alex Poletti
Photo by Chuck Cook-USA TODAY Sports

The New Orleans police officer slapped on the buttocks by Odell Beckham Jr. during LSU’s locker room celebration of their National Championship victory is not pursuing charges against the Browns wide receiver. However, the officer tells The Second String that he is pursuing a second date with the Pro Bowler. Continue reading “Officer Slapped on Butt by Odell Beckham Jr Won’t Pursue Charges, Will Pursue Second Date” →

Basketball

To Show Dedication to New Team, Zion Turns into Real Pelican
by Alex Poletti

After the first pick was announced at Barclays Center in New York, what many fans suspected and analysts guaranteed became a reality: Zion Williamson became a New Orleans Pelican. To quell any doubt that the Duke superstar was unimpressed with the organization that held the first pick, Zion went above and beyond by turning into a real pelican, showing his dedication to his new organization.

Continue reading “To Show Dedication to New Team, Zion Turns into Real Pelican” →

Basketball

Anthony Davis Trade Reportedly Involves Three First-Round Picks, Two First-Born Children
by Alex Poletti

News broke on Saturday of a blockbuster trade sending Anthony Davis out west to become LeBron James’ right-hand man in Los Angeles. Now, the details have been released, showing that the return for Davis was steep; in total, the Pelicans will receive Lonzo Ball, Brandon Ingram, Josh Hart, three first-round draft picks, and two first-born children.

Continue reading “Anthony Davis Trade Reportedly Involves Three First-Round Picks, Two First-Born Children” →

Basketball

Steph Curry, Draymond Green Injure Themselves in Solidarity with Fallen Teammates
by Alex Poletti

At the end of the six-game series against the Toronto Raptors, it seemed that Steph Curry and Draymond Green were the only Golden State players left standing. After the remainder of their All-Stars got injured, the Warriors just couldn’t hang with Kawhi Leonard and the Raptors. To show solidarity with their teammates, both Curry and Green have elected to injure themselves.

Continue reading “Steph Curry, Draymond Green Injure Themselves in Solidarity with Fallen Teammates” →

Basketball

Kevin Durant Encouraged to Take Up Knitting After Achilles Tear
by Alex Poletti

After a heartbreaking injury in game five of the NBA Finals, Golden State Warriors forward Kevin Durant looks likely to be in recovery for a considerable amount of time, leading Director of Sports Medicine and Performance Rick Celebrini to suggest knitting as an alternative to basketball.

Continue reading “Kevin Durant Encouraged to Take Up Knitting After Achilles Tear” →

Basketball

Toronto Fans Blasted for Cheering After Eight-Year-Old Warriors Fan Falls, Skins Knee
by Luke DePalatis

After the Golden State Warriors managed to pull together a miracle win in the NBA finals last night, all was looking up for 8-year-old Timmy Miller, a local Oakland resident and Warriors fan. Though an emotionally taxing game, due to Kevin Durant’s injury, Timmy was in his front yard, shooting hoops with his father, Todd.

Continue reading “Toronto Fans Blasted for Cheering After Eight-Year-Old Warriors Fan Falls, Skins Knee” →

Basketball

Breaking: Raptors Hired Tonya Harding to Give Warriors Nancy Kerrigan Treatment
by Alex Poletti

In a shocking discovery by two San Francisco private investigators, a conspiracy has been revealed in which the Toronto Raptors hired Tonya Harding as a consultant to injure several members of the Golden State Warriors team, including Kevin Durant, Klay Thompson and DeMarcus Cousins.

Continue reading “Breaking: Raptors Hired Tonya Harding to Give Warriors Nancy Kerrigan Treatment” →

Basketball

Being Canadian, Raptors Too Nice To Win Two in a Row Against Warriors
by Alex Poletti

After winning game one of the 2019 NBA Finals against the Golden State Warriors by a score of 118-109, the Toronto Raptors have announced that, due to their polite Canadian nature, they will not win the second game of the series.

Continue reading “Being Canadian, Raptors Too Nice To Win Two in a Row Against Warriors” →

Basketball

In Honor of First Finals Appearance, Raptors to Release Real Dinosaur on Crowd
by Alex Poletti

To live up to the hype of the organization’s first ever Finals appearance, Toronto Raptors management has announced that they will unleash a real, genetically-engineered Raptor to descend upon the masses at halftime of game one.

Continue reading “In Honor of First Finals Appearance, Raptors to Release Real Dinosaur on Crowd” →