Tag: Chicago Bears

Study Shows Yogi Smarter than the Average Chicago Bear

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Joe Robbins/AP Photo

A groundbreaking study conducted by Northwestern University shows that Jellystone Park resident Yogi Bear’s catch phrase has a newfound universality, as the study found conclusive evidence that Yogi is smarter than the average Chicago Bear. Continue reading “Study Shows Yogi Smarter than the Average Chicago Bear”

Nick Foles Predicts Bears QB Battle Will Come Down to THIS Metric Sooner or Later

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Reinhold Matay

Super Bowl MVP Nick Foles has something to prove this year after losing his starting job in Jacksonville to rookie Gardner Minshew. Just a year after signing a four-year, $88 million contract with the Jaguars, the former Eagles backup has been traded to the Chicago Bears, where he intends to compete for the quarterback position with former second-overall pick Mitch Trubisky. When asked about the competition, Foles predicts that it will become a dick-measuring contest sooner rather than later. Continue reading “Nick Foles Predicts Bears QB Battle Will Come Down to THIS Metric Sooner or Later”

BREAKING: Tom Brady Finds Nice Retirement Community in Tampa Bay

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Winslow Townson

Tom Brady is officially moving on from New England, sources tell The Second String, and will enjoy the next stage of his life in western Florida, where he has found a nice retirement community called the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Continue reading “BREAKING: Tom Brady Finds Nice Retirement Community in Tampa Bay”

Tom Brady Launches ‘199 Productions,’ Finally Has Use for All That Extra Sideline Footage

by Alex Poletti
Photo by David J. Phillip / AP Photo

With New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady headed into free agency, many expected the six-time Super Bowl champion to start his first foray into the open market with a big announcement. Brady delivered, announcing the launch of his new production company, 199 Productions, a platform through which the signal caller can dump all of the extra footage of other teams’ sidelines he has accumulated over the years with the Patriots. Continue reading “Tom Brady Launches ‘199 Productions,’ Finally Has Use for All That Extra Sideline Footage”

Bears Eyeing Tom Brady, Hoping He Teaches Mitch Trubisky How to Cheat

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Jim Rogash/Getty Images

In an attempt to bolster their roster for a 2020 playoff push, the Chicago Bears are looking to add an experienced quarterback to the team in free agency. Though solid options like Philip Rivers, Ryan Tannehill and Dak Prescott are available, a source close to the Bears tells The Second String that the team is targeting Tom Brady, not for his talent, but so he can teach Mitch Trubisky how to cheat. Continue reading “Bears Eyeing Tom Brady, Hoping He Teaches Mitch Trubisky How to Cheat”

Robber Leaves Cowboys Season Tickets After Breaking Into Dallas Man’s House

by Luke DePalatis
Photo by Getty

On the evening of December 5th, 2019, Dallas native Carl Hughes was returning home from a local bar after witnessing the horrific defeat of the Dallas Cowboys to the Chicago Bears. Hughes immediately noticed something was amiss the second he pulled into his driveway, quickly realizing his house had been broken into.

Continue reading “Robber Leaves Cowboys Season Tickets After Breaking Into Dallas Man’s House”

In Honor of First Thanksgiving, Bears Massacre Every Member of Lions Team

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Dave Reginek/Getty Images

To pay homage to the first Thanksgiving, the Chicago Bears decided to recreate the famed historical event by ruthlessly murdering every member of the Detroit Lions squad.

Continue reading “In Honor of First Thanksgiving, Bears Massacre Every Member of Lions Team”

To Solidify Special Teams Roster, Bears Hire Lucy from ‘Peanuts’ as Holder

by Alex Poletti

Even with rookie Eddy Pineiro making his first career field goal and the dreaded “double doink” in the rearview mirror, the Bears’ kicking team was missing something. Chicago general manager Ryan Pace has found that missing piece in Lucy van Pelt of “Peanuts” fame, who will serve as the team’s holder in 2019.

Continue reading “To Solidify Special Teams Roster, Bears Hire Lucy from ‘Peanuts’ as Holder”