Tag: Cleveland Browns

Myles Garrett Commits Double-Homicide to Get Back In Good Graces of NFL

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Getty

It was a rough season for Cleveland Browns defensive end Myles Garrett, not only because he was a defensive end for the Cleveland Browns, but also because he was suspended indefinitely following an altercation with Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Mason Rudolph on November 14. Fortunately for the 2017 first overall draft pick, Garrett will get a fresh start after murdering two people to get back in the NFL’s good graces. Continue reading “Myles Garrett Commits Double-Homicide to Get Back In Good Graces of NFL”

Officer Slapped on Butt by Odell Beckham Jr Won’t Pursue Charges, Will Pursue Second Date

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Chuck Cook-USA TODAY Sports

The New Orleans police officer slapped on the buttocks by Odell Beckham Jr. during LSU’s locker room celebration of their National Championship victory is not pursuing charges against the Browns wide receiver. However, the officer tells The Second String that he is pursuing a second date with the Pro Bowler. Continue reading “Officer Slapped on Butt by Odell Beckham Jr Won’t Pursue Charges, Will Pursue Second Date”

Tom Brady Shocks World by Declaring for XFL Draft

by Alex Poletti
Photo by AP Photo/Matt Rourke

In a move that confused many in the football world, the NFL GOAT Tom Brady declared for the XFL draft. This move will end his two-decade stint with the New England Patriots, as well as his NFL service time.

Continue reading “Tom Brady Shocks World by Declaring for XFL Draft”

Odell Beckham Jr. and Jarvis Landry Yell at Water Cooler After Browns Fire Freddie Kitchens

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Getty Images

After a shocking week 17 loss to the Cincinnati Bengals, the Cleveland Browns wasted no time firing their head coach Freddie Kitchens. Unfortunately, this left star wide receivers Odell Beckham Jr. and Jarvis Landry without someone to yell at in the fourth quarter, so the pair of wideouts turned their anger on a nearby water cooler instead.

Continue reading “Odell Beckham Jr. and Jarvis Landry Yell at Water Cooler After Browns Fire Freddie Kitchens”

Roger Goodell Suspends You, The Viewer, For Role in Garrett-Rudolph Fight

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Erik Drost on Flickr

After a week of review, the National Football League came to its final determination for suspensions in regard to the fight between Mason Rudolph and Myles Garrett during last week’s Thursday Night Football game. NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced that the indefinite suspension for Garrett would be upheld, Pittsburgh offensive lineman Maurkice Pouncey’s suspension was lightened from three games to two, and you, the viewer at home, will also receive a one-game suspension for your involvement.

Continue reading “Roger Goodell Suspends You, The Viewer, For Role in Garrett-Rudolph Fight”

Following Unnecessary Display of Aggression, Myles Garrett Hired by Cleveland Police Department

by Alex Poletti
Photo by AP Photo/David Richard

With just seconds left in the fourth quarter of a convincing win against the Steelers, Myles Garrett decided to take out some aggression on Pittsburgh quarterback Mason Rudolph, hitting him with his own helmet before being tackled to the ground by two offensive linemen. Facing suspension, Garrett found a silver lining after being offered a job as an officer for the Cleveland Police Department.

Continue reading “Following Unnecessary Display of Aggression, Myles Garrett Hired by Cleveland Police Department”