Tag: Houston Astros

After World Series Victory, Dodgers Name Kevin Cash Best Manager in LA History

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Kevin Jairaj / USA TODAY Sports/Reuters

As Julio Urias got the called third strike on the inside half of the plate, the young lefty ended a 32-year drought for the Los Angeles Dodgers. While the likes of Mookie Betts, Cody Bellinger and Clayton Kershaw were celebrating, they all had to acknowledge the impact of the manager who made their victory possible: Kevin Cash of the Rays.

“He really turned the game around for us,” Betts says of the Rays manager. “Without his presence, we wouldn’t have won tonight. It’s as simple as that.”

In an era of micro-managing, Cash took the cake on Tuesday, pulling Cy Young Award winner Blake Snell after he gave up just his second hit of the game with one out in the sixth inning. Immediately after he was pulled, the top of the Dodgers lineup scored two runs, enough to put the game away for good.

“It was a brilliant managerial move,” Dave Roberts, the manager for the 2020 champs, says. “I wish I had thought of it. I’d like to think I know what I’m doing, but I could never do as good of a job making the Dodgers win as Kevin did today.”

The Dodgers have been the best team in baseball on paper for the better half of the last decade, but they have pulled up just short of immortality a couple of times. While some of this can be attributed to the cheating of the Astros and Red Sox, Dave Roberts’ postseason ineffectiveness cannot be denied.

“We’ve always had the talent, but getting the managerial side of things down has always been the hard part,” President of Baseball Operations Andrew Friedman says. “Once we realized that the best manager for us could be on the other side of the diamond, it opened up a whole bunch of new opportunities for us.”

After pulling Snell and letting Nick Anderson, who despite having a stellar regular season could not pitch a scoreless inning to save his life in October, pitch to the most potent lineup in baseball, Cash cemented his place among the likes of Tommy Lasorda and Walter Alston as the most impactful skippers in Dodgers history.

“It’s crazy that one decision put me in such great company,” Cash, who has already re-downloaded Linkedin on his phone to look for new job opportunities, says. “I always knew I’d win a World Series. I just never realized it wouldn’t be for my own team.”


Twins Fans Switch TVs to Presidential Debate to Watch Something Less Infuriating

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images

As day one of the Major League Baseball postseason winds down, it’s clear that one narrative in particular is going to be hard to shake: the Minnesota Twins still can’t win a postseason baseball game. The Minnesota faithful, frustrated by the state of their team, collectively decided to watch the first Presidential Debate instead so they could relax with some less infuriating content. Continue reading “Twins Fans Switch TVs to Presidential Debate to Watch Something Less Infuriating”

Houston Astros Experiencing Difficulties Cheating After Trash Can Confiscation

by Dale DePalatis
Photo by Associated Press

According to exclusive reports, the metal trash cans with which all MLB dugouts are equipped have been removed from the visiting Astros dugout this year right before the Houston players arrive, causing difficulty for the ‘Stros in their cheating endeavors. Continue reading “Houston Astros Experiencing Difficulties Cheating After Trash Can Confiscation”

Astros Unveil New Bubble Wrap Away Game Uniforms for 2020

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Frank Franklin II/Associated Press

The Astros are gearing up for the retribution facing them in 2020 in style. A few weeks into spring training, the team unveiled their new bubble-wrap uniforms that they’ll be wearing for all 81 away games this upcoming season. Continue reading “Astros Unveil New Bubble Wrap Away Game Uniforms for 2020”

Luis Severino Out for Year Tommy John Surgery, Still Projected as No. 2 Starter for Yankees

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Elsa/Getty Images

The New York Yankees are faced with a serious setback in their quest for a 28th World Series championship, as starting pitcher Luis Severino will undergo Tommy John surgery, which will sideline the fireballer for the entirety of the 2020 season. Despite being unable to pitch at all, the Yankees still project that Severino will be the team’s second best starter after free-agent signing Gerrit Cole. Continue reading “Luis Severino Out for Year Tommy John Surgery, Still Projected as No. 2 Starter for Yankees”

Mariners Terrified That Ichiro Their Best Pitcher Heading Into Spring Training

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Rich Schultz

The Seattle Mariners have a predicament before their Spring Training games begin: who will be their ace this upcoming season? Their lefty one-two punch of Marco Gonzalez and Yusei Kikuchi hardly strikes terror the hearts of opposing lineups, and top prospect Justus Sheffield isn’t quite ready to handle the load. Instead, the horrified party is manager Scott Servais, who realized a week after pitchers and catchers reported to Arizona that his best pitching option was retired outfielder Ichiro Suzuki. Continue reading “Mariners Terrified That Ichiro Their Best Pitcher Heading Into Spring Training”

MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred Says World Series Trophy Only Valuable in Metal-Starved Apocalypse

by Alex Poletti
Photo by LM Otero/Associated Press

Coming under fire recently for calling the World Series “just a piece of metal” with regard to the Astros cheating scandal, Major League Baseball commissioner Rob Manfred doubled down on Wednesday, saying that the only way the trophy would ever have value is in the event of an apocalypse that leaves the world without a sufficient supply of metal materials, thus creating an economy around the resource. Continue reading “MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred Says World Series Trophy Only Valuable in Metal-Starved Apocalypse”

Dusty Baker on Astros Hiring: ‘I’m Excited to Bring Cocaine Back to Houston’

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Alex Brandon/Associated Press

Two weeks after the firing of former manager A.J. Hinch, the Houston Astros have found their new coach in Dusty Baker, who most recently coached the Washington Nationals back in 2017. Baker told The Second String on Thursday that he is ready for the challenge of leading this team, but he’s most excited to bring cocaine back to Houston.

Continue reading “Dusty Baker on Astros Hiring: ‘I’m Excited to Bring Cocaine Back to Houston’”

Red Sox Hire Camera in Center Field as Next Manager

by Alex Poletti
Photo by John Bazemore, Associated Press

Following their dismissal of manager Alex Cora due to his connection with the Astros cheating scandal, the Boston Red Sox have cut out the middleman altogether and decided to hire a camera in center field as their next manager. Continue reading “Red Sox Hire Camera in Center Field as Next Manager”

Astros Remedy Cheating Scandal by Firing A.J. Hinch and Jeff Luhnow, Murdering Alex Cora

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Adam Glanzman/Getty Images

After Major League Baseball concluded their investigation of the Houston Astros’ sign-stealing during the 2017 season by suspending general manager Jeff Luhnow and manager A.J. Hinch for a full season, the Houston franchise decided to take it a step further. In order to drive home the seriousness of this claim, owner Jim Crane took matters into his own hands by firing the two conspirators, as well as murdering former bench coach and current Red Sox skipper Alex Cora.

Continue reading “Astros Remedy Cheating Scandal by Firing A.J. Hinch and Jeff Luhnow, Murdering Alex Cora”