Tag: Miami Heat

‘I Could Play More’ Says Giannis with Amputated Foot

by Alex Poletti
Photo by SportingNews

Shaking off any doubt during a post-game interview, soon-to-be MVP Giannis Antetokounmpo told reports that he “feels good,” and “could play more,” during a critical game four against the Miami Heat, despite the complete absence of his right foot following a mid-game amputation. Continue reading “‘I Could Play More’ Says Giannis with Amputated Foot”

Ben Simmons’ Terrible Mediation Skills Earn Him Job as Secretary of State

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Bill Streicher/USA TODAY Sports

Philadelphia 76ers guard Ben Simmons has been offered a job as Secretary of State for the United States after opting to put Karl-Anthony Towns in a headlock as means of breaking up a fight between the Minnesota Timberwolves center and teammate Joel Embiid. According to sources in Washington, Simmons’ immediacy to resort to physical force made him a perfect fit for the State Department.

Continue reading “Ben Simmons’ Terrible Mediation Skills Earn Him Job as Secretary of State”

Selfish Prick Jimmy Butler Chooses Dumb Kid Being Born Over Team

by Alex Poletti
Photo by ESPN

Miami Heat star Jimmy Butler showed just how much of an asshole he is after opting to take two days off to witness the birth of his dumb daughter instead of playing in the Heat’s first game of the season against the Memphis Grizzlies.

Continue reading “Selfish Prick Jimmy Butler Chooses Dumb Kid Being Born Over Team”

After Cold Season, Heat to Rebrand as Miami Luke-Warm

by Alex Poletti

After a disappointing 2018 season, the Miami Heat ownership has decided to take the team in a different direction. Rather than relocating as some franchises are want to do, the Heat opted to rebrand as the Miami Luke-Warm to temper the expectations of fans for seasons to come.

Continue reading “After Cold Season, Heat to Rebrand as Miami Luke-Warm”