Tag: New England Patriots

Jason Garrett Hired as Giants’ Offensive Coordinator, to Become Lone Man Clapping for Giants in MetLife Stadium

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Tom Pennington/Getty Images

The New York Giants confirmed on friday that former Dallas Cowboys head coach Jason Garrett has agreed to become the next offensive coordinator of the New York Giants following disappointing seasons for both parties. As an added benefit, Garrett will become the first and only person to clap for the Giants’ offense next season. Continue reading “Jason Garrett Hired as Giants’ Offensive Coordinator, to Become Lone Man Clapping for Giants in MetLife Stadium”

Tom Brady Shocks World by Declaring for XFL Draft

by Alex Poletti
Photo by AP Photo/Matt Rourke

In a move that confused many in the football world, the NFL GOAT Tom Brady declared for the XFL draft. This move will end his two-decade stint with the New England Patriots, as well as his NFL service time.

Continue reading “Tom Brady Shocks World by Declaring for XFL Draft”

Roger Goodell Says Spanking Not Out of the Question for Patriots Punishment

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Eric Christian Smith, Associated Press

Looking to take a hard stance on the scandal involving the Patriots taping the Bengals’ sideline prior to a week 15 matchup in Cincinnati, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has confirmed that a good spanking is not out of the question in his consideration for possible punishments.

Continue reading “Roger Goodell Says Spanking Not Out of the Question for Patriots Punishment”

Patrick Mahomes Asks State Farm If He Can Insure Playoffs

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Getty Images

With a lengthy history of failure under the brightest lights, 2018-19 NFL MVP and commercial face of State Farm Patrick Mahomes asked the company if he could insure the playoffs with the Kansas City Chiefs, given the team’s unfortunate track record.

Continue reading “Patrick Mahomes Asks State Farm If He Can Insure Playoffs”

SeaWorld Takes Solace in Fact That They Don’t Mistreat Dolphins as Bad as Stephen M. Ross

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Charles Trainor Jr./Miami Herald/Tribune News Service via Getty Images

Under fire for their cruel mistreatment of sea life, the popular Florida tourist attraction SeaWorld Orlando has taken solace in the fact that they don’t treat the dolphins as poorly as Miami football franchise owner Stephen M. Ross.

Continue reading “SeaWorld Takes Solace in Fact That They Don’t Mistreat Dolphins as Bad as Stephen M. Ross”

Patriots Caught Taping Bengals’ Sideline for Tips on Imploding Late in Season

by Alex Poletti
Photo by FOXBusiness

Scandal struck the News England Patriots this week when a videographer was caught taping the goings-on of the Bengals’ sideline during a game in Cleveland for the Massachusetts team. Sources tell The Second String that the videographer was hired to film the Bengals so the Patriots could study how to best implode to end the season.

Continue reading “Patriots Caught Taping Bengals’ Sideline for Tips on Imploding Late in Season”

Bill Belichick Spotted Taking Tom Brady Out Back with Rifle

by Alex Poletti

Following a 23-16 loss to the Kansas City Chiefs, New England’s second straight defeat, Patriots head coach Bill Belichik was seen reluctantly taking his favorite quarterback out into the backyard with a rifle in hand. According to the longtime coach, it was a tough decision, but the right one.

Continue reading “Bill Belichick Spotted Taking Tom Brady Out Back with Rifle”