Tag: NFL

‘He’s Never Been on a Knee,’ Kenny Stills Says of Jay-Z, Ignoring 2014 Met Gala Proposal to Beyoncé

by Alex Poletti

Rap magnate Jay-Z has come under fire recently for his “entertainment and social justice” partnership with the NFL. One player to question Jay-Z is Kenny Stills of the Miami Dolphins, who claims that “he’s never been on a knee,” despite the rapper’s cute and heavily publicized mock proposal to Beyoncé on the 2014 Met Gala red carpet.

“I understand Kenny’s criticism, I really do,” commissioner Roger Goodell, who still thinks it’s cool to call players by their first name, says. “But saying he’s never been on a knee is an ignorant comment, given the media reaction to the Met Gala gaff turned romantic moment.”

During the 2014 Met Gala, the pop culture power couple both wore Givenchy Haute Couture outfits, with Queen Bey sporting a sizeable ring on her right hand. When the ring fell off, the doting husband went to retrieve it and enacted a proposal. The event took the media by storm.

“Honestly, if Kenny Stills took his head out of his social justice-loving ass and started focusing on the things that really matter, then he would’ve known that what he said was completely inaccurate,” Fox News personality Sean Hannity says.

Some have argued that Stills was trying to say Jay-Z never protested alongside NFL players, nor did he speak with the people involved in the movement before making statements that the league had “moved past kneeling,” bringing into question the legitimacy of his motives for forming this partnership. However, there’s no doubt that Stills’ words were unfortunate, given the favorable press surrounding the 2014 incident. Quick to be a diplomat, however, Jay-Z responded to Stills’ criticism.

“Look man, I’m just trying to own the Super Bowl halftime show,” the Tidal service owner says.

Leaders of the NFL’s protest movement quickly came to back the Miami wide receiver. Panthers safety Eric Reid, an outspoken advocate for social reform, also criticized Jay-Z’s new partnership, labelling it “disingenuous.” Colin Kaepernick tweeted his support for Stills as well; however, Stills quickly asked the free agent to remove the post.

“Look man, I still want to work,” Stills said to Kaepernick, according to sources close to the story. “Are you trying to get us both blacklisted? Get out of here, man.”

Fellow Dolphins wide receiver Albert Wilson II also voiced his support for Stills. However, Wilson is not nearly good enough to be featured in this story.

NFL Considers Expanding Domestic Violence Policy to Maybe Catch Some of Those Guys

by Alex Poletti

The National Football League announced that they are considering changes to their domestic violence protocol to maybe catch some of those guys and discipline them for their actions. However, the NFL was quick to note that all changes are purely hypothetical at this time.

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Dedicated Jameis Winston Stays After Practice to Throw 20 Extra Picks

by Alex Poletti

It’s a make-or-break year for former first-overall pick Jameis Winston, who can declare free agency at the end of the season. Up to this point, the Tampa Bay quarterback has failed to live up to expectations, leading Winston to stay late after a preseason practice to throw 20 more interceptions.

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Antonio Brown Will Holdout Until NFL Lets Him Wear Commemorative ‘Rugrats’ Helmet

by Alex Poletti

In another move typical of the diva’s dramatic flare, Oakland wideout Antonio Brown announced that he will not play a game in the NFL until they let him wear his 100th episode-commemorative “Rugrats” helmet during the season.

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Patriots Extend Tom Brady Through 2050

by Alex Poletti

On his 42nd birthday, the New England Patriots extended Tom Brady through the 2050 season, giving the franchise quarterback the longest contract in sports history. While uncommon to see deals longer than 20 years, especially in the NFL where careers are notably short, the Patriots believe that by signing the signal caller until his age-73 season they may capture the majority of his prime.

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Man Torn Between Remaining Shreds of Morality, Winning Fantasy Football League

by Alex Poletti

As football season rapidly approaches, Kansas City man Jack Poor faces a crisis as he must decide between protecting what’s left of his moral compass and drafting the best team available in his fantasy football league.

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32 Teams Heartbroken They Missed Out on Mark Sanchez Sweepstakes

by Alex Poletti

After a titillating free agency period, quarterback Mark Sanchez has opted to retire instead of signing with any of the 32 teams in the NFL, no doubt leaving other players and coaches heartbroken that they missed out on the generational talent.

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