Tag: Tyreek Hill

Tyreek Hill Successfully Activates $1 Million ‘Don’t Choke Girlfriend’ Clause of Contract

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Sports Illustrated

It was a big payday for Kansas City Chiefs wide receiver Tyreek Hill, who received a $1 million bonus by fulfilling the terms of the “Don’t choke your girlfriend” clause of the three-year, $54 million contract he signed at the beginning of the season.

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Andy Reid Stares at Self in Mirror Following Chiefs’ AFC Championship Win, Not Recognizing Winning Coach He’s Become

by Alex Poletti
Photo by JEFF ROBERSON / AP

An identity crisis struck Kansas City Chiefs head coach Andy Reid following his team’s AFC Championship victory over the Tennessee Titans, as he stared at himself in the mirror for hours afterwards, not able to recognize the successful coach he has become.

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‘Why Would God Do This to Me?’ Tyreek Hill Laments, Forgetting Some Obvious Reasons

by Alex Poletti

The Kansas City Chiefs were hit with some bad news prior to their week two matchup against the Raiders, as it was announced that their primary receiving target, Tyreek Hill, will miss 4-6 weeks with a clavicle injury. Hill, who is currently in agonizing pain, questions why God would curse him like this, forgetting some pretty obvious reasons from his past that could justify the incident.

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Man Torn Between Remaining Shreds of Morality, Winning Fantasy Football League

by Alex Poletti

As football season rapidly approaches, Kansas City man Jack Poor faces a crisis as he must decide between protecting what’s left of his moral compass and drafting the best team available in his fantasy football league.

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NFL Won’t Discipline Tyreek Hill, Still Too Busy with Colin Kaepernick

by Alex Poletti

After a four month investigation, the NFL could not conclude whether Kansas City Chiefs wide receiver Tyreek Hill violated the league’s personal conduct policy, so he will not be disciplined. In reaching their decision, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell states the league is too busy to reach a conclusion, mainly because they are still spending so much time shitting on Colin Kaepernick.

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