That one 30-something white guy who is way too into a casual game of pick-up basketball is still emphatically clapping, sources report to The Second String. Other reports suggest that he is also shouting “let’s go” while pumping his fists after his latest three pointer.
Continue reading “Intense Pick-Up Basketball Player Still Emphatically Clapping”
At the end of the six-game series against the Toronto Raptors, it seemed that Steph Curry and Draymond Green were the only Golden State players left standing. After the remainder of their All-Stars got injured, the Warriors just couldn’t hang with Kawhi Leonard and the Raptors. To show solidarity with their teammates, both Curry and Green have elected to injure themselves.
Continue reading “Steph Curry, Draymond Green Injure Themselves in Solidarity with Fallen Teammates”
After a heartbreaking injury in game five of the NBA Finals, Golden State Warriors forward Kevin Durant looks likely to be in recovery for a considerable amount of time, leading Director of Sports Medicine and Performance Rick Celebrini to suggest knitting as an alternative to basketball.
Continue reading “Kevin Durant Encouraged to Take Up Knitting After Achilles Tear”
After the Golden State Warriors managed to pull together a miracle win in the NBA finals last night, all was looking up for 8-year-old Timmy Miller, a local Oakland resident and Warriors fan. Though an emotionally taxing game, due to Kevin Durant’s injury, Timmy was in his front yard, shooting hoops with his father, Todd.
In a shocking discovery by two San Francisco private investigators, a conspiracy has been revealed in which the Toronto Raptors hired Tonya Harding as a consultant to injure several members of the Golden State Warriors team, including Kevin Durant, Klay Thompson and DeMarcus Cousins.
Continue reading “Breaking: Raptors Hired Tonya Harding to Give Warriors Nancy Kerrigan Treatment”
After winning game one of the 2019 NBA Finals against the Golden State Warriors by a score of 118-109, the Toronto Raptors have announced that, due to their polite Canadian nature, they will not win the second game of the series.
Continue reading “Being Canadian, Raptors Too Nice To Win Two in a Row Against Warriors”
To live up to the hype of the organization’s first ever Finals appearance, Toronto Raptors management has announced that they will unleash a real, genetically-engineered Raptor to descend upon the masses at halftime of game one.
Continue reading “In Honor of First Finals Appearance, Raptors to Release Real Dinosaur on Crowd”
